Lately I've heard so much talk about how messed up children and teenagers are nowadays, especially with the murder at the party here a couple days ago. For those of you who don't know what happened a 17 year old boy was murdered at a garage party by a pickaxe to the head when he tried to stand up for the host of the party when she tried to disband the party (a number of uninvited teens showed up).

Two days ago I was riding the bus home from work at 7 in the morning when a young woman and her child climbed on the bus. The woman looked weary, but happy to be around her daughter. The daughter, Chastity, was a beautiful happy young girl (about 8ish) with curly blond hair and a grin from ear to ear.

The two were talking happily about what they were going to do over the weekend or something when the conversation got into Chastity's daycare. Chastity was excited about school and happy to go and see her friends. Her mother was very supportive of that and asked her a few questions.

Then her mother asked her "Chastity, tomorrow I don't have to work. Do you want to go to daycare or would you like to stay home for the day?" I was thinking that this was a rather amazing parent, because I realized while growing up that a parent can teach their child responsibility early by allowing them to make choices that effect their lives. We all need our "mental health days" sometimes. Especially with school being so full of bullshit pressure, homework, and other training for us to become good little productive sheep.

Chastity kept smiling and told her mommy, "I want to go to school tomorrow! I really like school!"

The response shocked me.

"Chastity, are you sure you want to go?" "Yeah!" "So you're telling me that rather than staying home and resting you would rather I have to get up on my day off early in the morning just to take you to daycare?"

Way to fuck up your kid Mommy!

It's subtle comments like that that screw our children up for years to come. A guilt trip like that can cause a lot of pain in a child's life. Maybe not immediately but if her mother would even just occasionally makes comments like that her daughters self esteem will be undermined and she will learn to become more and more of a people pleaser just to not become a burden on anyone else.

And way to tell your child that she isn't as important to you as a little sleep is. The way she stressed the just is extremely important subconsciously. The inflections in your speech are far more devastating ways to manipulate others because you can cause them to reflect on the statements (and underlying silent statements) as though they had made the statements themselves.

And we wonder...

You have to be extremely careful in raising children, showing them the love, devotion, strength, and integrity that they need to grow up healthily. Being able to let them have their own freedom with some borders and letting them make their own choices. And mistakes.

Every single parent out there will probably get defensive reading this and say "I know that all already and I do that." but do you really? You never ever slip up in any way? You have to analyze what you say, how, when, and what effect it will have on your child. And all too infrequently we fail to bite our tongues when what we say could scar those around us.

There's just too much to this for me to get into.

I guess my main point is for the parents (or future parents) out there.

Go show your children that you love and support them right now! And take a day off work to take them out of school to go go-karting or something. Totally spontaneously. Why? Just because. Life is too short. Go live it with them!

~Zemyn